allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
