He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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