hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
