We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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