when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
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And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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