My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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