He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
