This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
