Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
