what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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