She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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