If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
