i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
