He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
