is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
