no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
