I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
