no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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