drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize