too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
