You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
