Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
