i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
