i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think my moral compass just broke
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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