Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
