Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
