My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
