Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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