I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
