Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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