They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
