I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and she was petting her beer can
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
