Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
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i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"