i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be