i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The fabulous human disaster: it is him