do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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