ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
