You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
