$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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