just tell him i said nine months
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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