just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize