we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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