wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
