11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
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they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The power of my boobs compel you
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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