I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
