If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...