fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.