Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.