he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
