it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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