the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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