kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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