And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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