I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
