16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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