i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
