You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
