She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
