You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
