I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
