we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
