i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
