im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
In America we eat man semen.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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