I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
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