she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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