the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
